It's not often you meet someone and in the first conversation feel like you can relate to. This was the case after striking up a conversation with Jeannette Nieves recently. It was clear one conversation would not suffice. Over a coffee chat, I had the privilege of hearing the uncut and raw story of Ms. Nieves. She made herself vulnerable and trusted me to listen, and I did.
As I learned more about her, I read a post in which Jeannette shared a picture of her ten-year old self. The description read: "Oh Little Sweet Jeannette", hence the name of this feature. As I scrolled through her posts, I thought to myself, that Jeannette would make a great coach!
She not only exudes positivity, but it's evident she wears her personal growth on her sleeve as a badge of honor! It's a brave and beautiful thing to be able to turn pain into something admirable. I did not share my thought in its entirety, but I looked up to her posting her journey in the sense that I have always shied away from my own image.
While it still wrecks my nerves to share a photo of myself, Jeannette poses with a smile on a daily basis. She shares images depicting her personal journey and even though we barely just met, the smile on her face says it all. From one survivor to the next, the pain may be in her eyes, but her smile, although genuine, hides a multitude of hurt.
I asked Jeannette to share with me, about who she is. This is her story.
"I was born in Rio Piedras, Puerto Rico and raised in the Town of Bayamon by my single mom and three siblings. Growing up I had so many dreams but struggled with hardships that changed my life and the way I see it. I lost my father due to suicide and that was a hard thing to endure. Most difficult times came after this, that at some point I thought I was worthless, and not loveable. One thing I did have in me beside all the negative situations happening around me was this little fire that makes me not quit that easily. Yes, I did struggle, I went to many mental health providers, and took many different medications to deal with depression and trauma."
Jeannette went on to say,
"It felt like a never-ending story, and that made difficult my time as a single mother with three children. My children were my pass to deal with life, to make a change with it. To prove that I was somebody, that I was capable of raising of good people. I gave everything that my capability and capacity permitted me to. I tried my very best to not let them go through the many situations I went through. Sadly, my children grew up seeing their mom coming in and out of depression episodes and mood changes. Despite everything, I was trying to get up each time to fight this and deal with it. I made the decision of leaving my island, Puerto Rico to try and start over far from all that caused so much pain."
"In 2006, I moved to Rochester, NY. I got help settling here. While my children were attending elementary and high school respectively, I was in the English for Speakers of Other Languages (ESOL) program to improve my English, plus working in the Work Experience Program (WEP) in order to receive the benefits from the government. Through the WEP program, I started working for the community. I was assisting people with phone calls to doctors and other agencies, filling out paperwork, and with translations for the Hispanic population. I did find myself liking what I was doing."
The way Jeannette told me her story, I sat on the edge of my seat, my face nestled in my hand, just listening. She continued;
"This led me to make a decision to register at the Rochester Educational Opportunity Center (REOC). I went for the office program but did not score sufficiently to get into it right away. I started taking classes for college preparation, but without losing my deepest desire to get into the program I really wanted to. I re-took the test to get into the program and passed it. I finally got into the program, participated in every activity and assisted in the Career Services office, which helped me get more practice and experience in the office setting. I completed my internship with Hillside for Children and graduated from the Office program in 2010. I not only acquired the Certificate of Office Administrative, but also other awards including an award that granted me money."
"I used to be a “nerd” while I was in school."
I can definitely relate to being a nerd so I continued to listen attentively.
She said, "I felt satisfied with the accomplishments. Soon after graduation, I got a job with a not-for-profit business. I was doing what I wanted and regaining myself. I changed jobs a few times and took County and State tests. In 2015, I got a state job and with that, my plans to buy a house went through. I went from being a housing tenant to a homeowner. More accomplishments came with it. I took driving classes, passed the driver’s test and with that I got not only the driver’s license, but also a car."
She added, "My children grew up, and now they are all independent adults and hard working. I have four grandchildren that make my heart beat stronger. I know that maybe for my children I have failed in a way, but because I am still dealing with struggles; my emotional pain and fighting harder to finally start my healing. I never meant to harm my children in any way, but it happened. I am taking responsibility for my own mistakes and decisions. I know and accept there were bad and good things/moments, and that my heart deeply loves my children and grandchildren. I am doing my very best to continue improving my life and starting to love myself in a way that I never did. Now I am able to speak up when something is not making me feel comfortable and set boundaries without fear. I am finally understanding that there were situations that were not in my control or were my fault. I am just human; I do make mistakes and do not feel proud of wrongdoings, if any."
What's the best advice I ever received, she clarified.
"Through my life and struggles I had many people in my path that helped me in diverse ways. I can say that they were angels that came to assist me, to make me understand that I have to fight harder and start looking at life from a different perspective. The best advice I ever received was from one counselor here in Rochester that really listened to me. She made me feel like a person, and most of all, validated my emotions and words without judgment. Her advice made me realize that there is good in me, and that I am worth it; that I have beautiful feelings, and that it’s okay to cry and be upset."
I wondered what Jeannette would say when I asked her what her favorite piece of literature she read. She shared the title, El Nino Que Enloquecio de Amor, by Eduardo Barrios. This question is always a selfish one on my behalf as I am in the process of adding to my library.
When I inquired about what she saw in her future, Jeannette shared;
"In my future, I see making myself happy, to have all the laughs that I can; to live to the fullest each day, in gratitude. Growing in the personal and professional way. Making not only myself proud, but my children, grandchildren and my parents."
Another one of my favorite coaching questions, highlights what people would love to celebrate about themselves. Jeannette's response exemplified the positivity she exudes these days It's evident she has come a million miles from her initial self as a child.
"If I won an award, it would celebrate life itself; the precious gift of being alive. To be in gratitude of the struggles because without all that, I would never grow and learn what I don’t already know."
"What would you like the world to know about you", I asked Jeannette. She said,
"I really want to be an example of how I handled and managed all the situations that robbed my happiness. Now I can say that I can speak freely and be me. That quitting is not a choice; that anybody that puts in the effort, will surpass those bad moments."
Jeannette and I have many conversations pending. From book to movie discussions and everything else! Hopefully our next outing will involve Honey Lavender lattes! To future conversations!
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